I’m the face of a hated child.
How is it that I’m 19 years old, I have my own job and I’m planning on going to school in the summer and not to mention that my mom doesn’t live with me, but she thinks that just because she’s my mom that she can tell me what to do with my life. Not only that, but she tries to tell me who I can and cannot talk to or see. She’s ruined a good portion of my relationships because they can’t stand the fact that my mom keeps me on such a short leash. She has all of these stupid restrictions on me but none of my sisters. They’re all given the ok no matter what it is that they do, they’re in the clear and my mom personally picks on me. They make it seem like they have the short end of the stick, but they don’t. I always do. Everyone always notices but nobody has the balls to say anything to her. And it’s not like she’s abusive physically, but emotionally I’m always feeling like she’s personally taking time out of her day to run me down and it’s so stupid. I know for a fact that she’s the type of person to totally exclude me out of her life if I don’t do what she says and I know for a fact that she wouldn’t have a problem with it because she would just take it out on someone else most likely. I hate her just because of how she treats me. She wonders what is causing me to be depressed all the time and she doesn’t comprehend that most of this is due to her. I guess I’m tired of her running me down. No matter how hard I try to stand up for myself she tries to make it seem like I’m wrong. I know that I’m not, but when she does it constantly, it makes me almost believe that I’m never right. I’ve been fighting my whole life to try to win her approval but it seems like that never happens unless it’s something that I have to buy her..I literally feel like I have to bribe my mother to love me. I want to move out, and I never want to come back, but I know her; she’ll find a way to get ahold of me and she’ll still sit there and tell me that I’m wrong and that I’m worth nothing that that she hates me. Like what’s a better way to show your child, something that personally belongs to you that you hate them? I guess I shouldn’t say that I’m not acting like a hypocrite since I used the same phrase towards her. I just can’t stand her. I want someone that I don’t have to live up to the standards for. I just know for a fact that my mom hates me, I’ve just grown used to it. I’m sure she could go on and live her life without me. Sometimes I think she regrets having me, she’s told me before that she wishes that she had aborted me. Of course if you were to bring that up to her she’d say no, she never said that and she would never say that to any of her kids. I just know that she hates me and she never wanted me. I am the face of a hated child. I just want this constant depression to stop. I always think that it’s almost over, or that it’s over, and it just keeps coming back like an old friend. I hate my life.